Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpeice.
I hope my head is a nice shape..because I'm seriously going to tear ALL.MY.HAIR.OUT! Watch out Britney...you ain't got nothin' on this mama (except for alleged mental issues, which I may also rival these days..jk)! I don't know how you do it....I will never be my mother. The sound of a vacuum and the smell of Clorox reminds me of being home, sick from school, laid out on a recliner, watching tv. I'm not sure Corbin will ever recognize the smell of Clorox except from the school cafeteria. God, I hate that smell. And having dinner on the table when Richard gets home from work..A) Is never going to happen even if I was Super Woman or a 1950s housewife and B) I'm sooooo not Super Woman....and ladies...this is sooooo not 1950 (where's my freakin' dinner)!
So Corbin is doing pretty well these days..hmmm, he's being Corbin these days ;) Besides getting 3 teeth at the same time, mastering the art of tantrums, and getting over the 7 year cough...he just had a minor blip in his diet..yes, you know you have developed a serious complex when you recognize you should call the egg company to find out what they are feeding their birds. Yup, you guessed it.."a diet rich in soy protein". Bastard birds! Corbin had been clingy and screaming for 2 weeks and I was at the end of my rope going through what could be the possible culprit. From sippies, to juice, to those bastard birds..urgh..those freakin' birds and their eggs! Anyway, we found the enemy..brown eggs...and have banished them. But even without the eggs...today might have been enough to strip away every last strand of my womanly identity. At least it would take less time to get ready in the morning...and just think...no need for "product" ;)
So I get up at 6:30...technically I couldn't sleep, but either way..to get ready. Corbin and I have been climbing the walls lately..seriously CLIMBING.THE.WALLS! The kid is bored with me...he sees me day in and day out..and he's sick of me. So I start hunting for things for us to do. I have a nice line up...Gymboree on Tues, Toddle time at the library on Wed...and our playgroup on Friday. That leaves Mondays for the park with Miss Jennifer and who doesn't love the afternoon playtime with Emmett and Eli :) We're good, right? Negative! Turns out..our next big delight is dropping down to one nap and do you really think Corbin is going to do it the conventional way..OH NO..we have to do it the Corbin way! Don't drop the morning nap like normal babies..bye, bye, afternoon nap and hello to day o'hell! Oh yes...he gets up at 7:30 this morning and by the time we make it to our 9:15am Gymboree class..he's yawning. Now the NORMAL child would see how fun this is and would push through that initial inkling of fatigue...urgh..not my sweet baby boy. 15 minutes into it...he's screaming..thumb in mouth..and asking to be picked up. Good grief. The teacher looks at me and is all...why is your child screaming, this is Disneyland for babies (not her exact words, but might as well have been). I chuckle and pat him on the back...cursing her in the back of my mind. It's not like there wasn't 10 other 1 year olds in the room, whom I'm sure had screamed at some point. So we leave. And although you would think this would make Corbin happy..OH NO...my kid doesn't sleep in the car..are you crazy???? He screams the whole.way.home. This combined with PMS is seriously lethal and to avoid being arrested for some out of body experience...I call to take it out on Richard. So Corbin's screaming in the backseat, I'm screaming, on the phone, in the front seat, the radio is on full blast because Corbin's favorite song "usually" soothes him, and we hit DEAD STOP traffic on 485. Are you freakin' kidding me????
Don't worry...we made it home..in one (sort of) piece. Corbin continued his lovely, inviting mood for the rest of the day and I couldn't tell you what the hell is wrong with him. Sadly, I think it was the BBQ sauce I've given him the past few days (can you believe there is milk in caramel coloring..who knew)..on top of the list I mentioned earlier..ha ha! So now you think I'm going to clean the house and make dinner..you have to be mad! I'm so exhausted that I can't believe I'm typing right now...and don't even think I'm going to feel bad about it. I haven't gotten there yet. To the place where I feel like I have control over my life again. The way I did before I decided to grow someone. This new normal is really hard to get used it...don't get me wrong I love it (sans screaming days in the middle of Gymboree)...but I just can't seem to find a system to get EVERYTHING done. All while chasing a 12 month old up and down the stairs. We still stand around at 8pm wondering what we are going to have for dinner and pick up Solo cups, popsicle sticks, or anything else Corbin has decided to turn into a toy off the floor at 8pm. And then I'm probably passed out on the couch...somewhere around 8:15pm. So how do you do it? How does everything get done?
It doesn't! So my house isn't spotless...so we eat frozen pizzas more often than one person should allow...is it really going to matter in 5 years that there is dust on the coffee table? So where I sit right now...my next step as a mother is to let go of the guilt. Cashing in a vacation day. A day away from the guilt of not keeping an immaculate house, not dishin' out a nutritious meal at the same time everyday, from missing things on the label (freakin' caramel coloring). From not knowing why my child is crying, from getting frustrated because of it. We're not perfect and being a mother just adds more pressure. More pressure to do everything right. Those 1950s wives used to make me feel inadequate...like I should know what I'm doing...sh*t, I think I'm being productive if I dry my hair at some point during the day! I wish there were more real examples out there..that depict the effort that goes into getting through a day with a munchkin attached to your pants leg. So here's to us..pat yourself on the back today. Who cares how much TV your kid watches! Who cares if you are eating chinese takeout for the 3rd day in a row! Who cares if the bathroom is in some serious need of TLC! I may not be able to keep up with those crazy ol' timey chicks, but I do go to bed smiling every night. Motherhood isn't as black and white as my previous career...some things go wrong..some things get pushed to the back burner, but its the end of the day that matters. We all wake up the next morning with the troubles of the day before behind us and a smiling, happy baby in front of us...that makes us super women. He's not smiling because his diaper is clean..that's for sure..he's smiling because he thinks I'm super at my job :)