I did it...I'm not proud...it really is a guilty pleasure. I hate to admit it, but I watched the season premiere of Jon and Kate Plus 8. I know, I know...not quite as bad as Flavor of love, but definitely up there with the Hills. Come on...does anyone else get queasy at the sight of Speidi??? I also have to admit that I might have gotten a little misty at the end when Kate started crying. I know, I know...gotta be the hormones. ;)
So it got me thinking...how are any of us different from them? Ok, seriously..I get that people aren't chasing me down to get a photo of my latest haircut and Corbin is just one child..not 32, but in all honesty, how are their fundamental problems any different from the ones any married couple faces at some point in their marriage? We haven't hit these bumps yet (knock on wood), but I'm assuming after 10 years...every marriage feels a bump now and then. I think the media is just amplifying their issues..probably making them a little harder to get over, but if you listened hard enough...it came across loud and clear...that man is TOTALLY having a mid-life crisis (and crazy whiney!). Floundering...trying to figure out what comes next and I see myself there not too long from now. Not that I don't love my life...I wouldn't trade it for the world (seriously...there is no other husband like Richard)...but sometimes the issues you face are inevitable and have nothing to do with your spouse.
I always said I would have kids and stay home. Until I started working at TWC...then I paused for a minute, thought maybe I could have both, but in the end...Corbin put his foot down and I quit ;) I don't regret that decision..not for a second, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard. People have this perception of stay-at-home parents....playdates, lunches with friends, soap operas and chocolate ice cream. I just want to shed a little light on the truth. You always hear people say they know its the hardest job out there, but do they really understand what that actually entails? I spent six years of my life becoming an accountant and a few more becoming a CPA and the most complex decision I make on a daily basis is what to feed everyone for lunch and dinner. That's a hard pill to swallow when you are used to calculating bonuses for the executives in a Fortune 500 company. The most adult conversation I have during the day is trying to figure out what "ba ba" means in the instance Corbin is using it...bottle? bubbles? ..... who the hell knows until he throws himself on the floor because I haven't figured it out in the 5 second timeframe he is allowing. The most flexibility I get is whether I should wake up before him and take a shower or be lazy and wait until he goes down for his first "nap". Hence...I haven't showered yet ;) My day does usually consist of playdates, lunches with friends, and Dr. Phil (if Corbin isn't glued to something on Noggin), but it is all on Corbin's call. We have a 4 hour period between his first nap and second nap that we can leave the house to do anything. If I miss either by even a few minutes..I pay the price. And yes, he naps for 2.5 hours in the afternoon, but its not like I can go to a movie or spend the afternoon shopping at the Gap unless you mean online. How many times can you watch a Baby Story? Or surf www.allrecipes.com for something new to make for dinner. And let's not mention if I don't get it started while he's sleeping...dinner doesn't get made. After a few months...these things can wear on someone who is used to just going with the flow...taking a break when you feel like it...having a set purpose for each day with something important that has to get done or the boss is in your face.
I took those days for granted. I know that now, but I'm no more an accountant than I am a circus performer. No more a Corporate girl than I am a movie star (although the paycheck of that last one would definitely come in handy). But that doesn't mean I shouldn't get something of my own (hence the blog..ha ha). That doesn't mean that my 24 hour job doesn't come with a few perks of its own. I may sit on a Sunday night wondering what the hell I'm going to do with Corbin for five days, but the funny thing is...everyday I wake up...we get to do something new. We have the freedom, in that 4 hour slot ;), to go where the wind takes us. Some days we meet people for lunch...some days we go shopping...most days we play outside with sidewalk chalk, toys, and Rocky. It's not the most exciting thing I've ever done, but it is the most rewarding. My boss does care about me. My boss does show instant gratification every time I get him a cup of juice or rewind the Jump Arounds for the 8th time in 15 minutes. My boss is my best friend...besides Richard. I gladly give up my life for him because I truly believe he will be a better person for it. And I truly believe its a small price to pay.
I made a sacrifice the day I decided to stay home and I didn't even realize it. It was such an easy decision for me. It's not for everyone. Some families are better off with two working parents, not only financially, but emotionally. Giving up your life for however long you choose should be commended. In 5 years, my children will be in school and I will finally have my life back. But will it be "my" life. I walked into motherhood a career-oriented, headstrong woman...and I'll be making the next step in the journey, someone who has no clue what comes next. My degree led me to Richard, but it won't lead me back to where I came from. So where do you go from here? Sure there are a thousand things I love to do, but do I have the drive and the ambition to turn them into who I am next and still be able to be home when Corbin gets off the bus? I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that when the time comes I have a family who will support me no matter what choice I make because it will include them. I find it so sad that this family, who put their lives on tv, are being scrutinized for things that everyone goes through. Yes, they have made choices I would not make, but who am I to say that when I'm not in their shoes. I hope they find their ways and that someone steps up and realizes the complaints they have are petty. Mean nothing in the scheme of things. And when the time comes...and I'm sitting at that door of "what's next"...I hope Showtime buys my blog and makes it into a mini-series! Ha ha!!! Cha-ching ;)